Sunday, June 14, 2009

Go ahead and kick me.

I realize that by writing this, I will likely piss off at least half of all those who read it. You are entitled to your opinions, as I am to mine! That said, I proceed. 

I have secret. Maybe not a well-kept secret, but something about myself that I do not generally broadcast to the public. I don't like dogs. Usually, I can go about my daily life without even thinking about it, but occasionally something reminds me. 

There is a story my parents told me about when I was born. My older sister wanted a dog. So, when my mother came home with a new baby, my father came home with a dog. It was, according to the stories, a black dog with a white spot on his throat. He was appropriately named Spot.  

The dog grew, along with our family. Another sister was born. Our family moved. Twice. Somehow, over the years, Spot became more of a Smudge. His black colour changed to a mottled greyish brown. A brother joined the family mix. Years went by and we were forced to move again; this time cross-country. Spot was too old and in too poor health to make the trip, so it was decided that he be "put down".  And so ended my days as a dog person. 

In all fairness, I never really was a dog person. I always seemed to have a cat as "my pet". The dog was just there, as far as I was concerned. I didn't hate it, but it never really was as important as the cat. 

As I've gotten older, I have become less and less tolerant of dogs; or more accurately, people with dogs. For all of the legions of responsible pet owners, there are a handful of morons who insist on exercising poor judgement in regards to their animals. 

There are the "tough dog" types - with large breeds of dogs so poorly socialized that they are a menace to society. There are the thoughtless ones who let their animals run willy-nilly and defecate with abandon on public and private property alike, with no feelings of obligation whatsoever for cleaning up the filth left behind. 

Most infuriating to me are those of you (and you know who you are!) who insist on treating your dogs like tiny human beings. Dog spas. Dog hotels. Dog jewelry and clothing (*snow boots for sled dogs being an obvious exception!*). I mean, seriously. What in your tiny brain would make you think that your ANIMAL would enjoy any of this?? Remember, just a few years ago, evolutionarily speaking, these were WOLVES!!! They hunted. They slept outdoors. They rolled in, and ate, whatever foul smelling material they could get their drooling snouts into. 

And now? Now you feed them gourmet food, better than a lot of people eat. You brush their teeth. You massage them. You carry them in purses, for crissakes! But most bothersome to me are those of you who, in your infinite stupidity, insist on letting your dogs sit on your lap (or dash, or headrest) while you drive around the city. What incredible lapse of reasoning would lead you to believe that letting a live animal sit up in your face while you operate a motor vehicle is a good idea???

My big sister recently got a dog. Not just a dog, but a small, hairy lap-type dog. I applaud her for choosing to rescue her new pet from the pound, rather than perpetuating the cycle of breeding more and more animals when there are so many waiting in shelters to be given a second chance with a loving family. Nevertheless, she is now a lap-dog owner. If she ever makes the mistake of driving with the dog unsecured in her vehicle, I will personally put my boot in her bigger, older, law-enforcing ass.